Fangirl Apocalypse
by C.bcool444
Summary: What happens when the ninja world is invaded by fangirls and it's natives taken captive? Will they hold their own against the siege of overwhelming shipping? Well I guess you'll have to read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a spoof for fun, please don't be offended, I know only some fangirls act like this but I did it for the lolz. This is only very general, I know a lot of people ship different things and some don't. So please enjoy this piece of crack!**

_Ten years in the future, the earth has been destroyed and all the fangirls escaped to the Naruto universe. Disaster ensues and they find themselves running for their lives (the normal characters that is)._

"I think... we're safe here, un." Deidara gasped, as he panted against the cave wall.

"We might have out run them for now." Sasori muttered pushing back against the wall.

"It's too bad about Hidan." Kisame said, resting Samehada beside him.

"He was doomed from the start."

"They took Kakuzu too?"

"I think they wanted them for yaoi or something..."

"What's yaoi?"

Kisame and Sasori both looked at Deidara for a short while then turned back.

"Kid, you don't want to know."

"I don't know where they came from but I bet its hell."

"Yeah..."

They fell into a short silence due to the fact they were exhausted from running all day and all night.

"I wish they'd just leave."

"Look on the bright side; at least you're not Sasuke or Naruto."

They all chuckled at that but for a short time only due to fear of being caught and remembering just how screwed Sasuke and Naruto really were.

"I miss Itachi, he didn't say much but I could always tell what he was thinking. He'd think of a way out." Kisame sighed.

"I don't miss him." Deidara grumbled.

"It was kind of mean for Pein to sell us out like that." Kisame muttered.

"Hey jutsus don't work on fangirls, they invented their own and for some reason ours are ineffective to them. Also they have nets." Sasori groaned.

"I saw one with a harpoon." Deidara whimpered before quickly clearing his throat.

Kisame silently shuddered. It was like a virus spreading all over ninja world. They dressed like normal shinobi too; it was hard to tell who one was and who wasn't. In one night they had the akatsuki running for their lives.

"We may be the only ones left." Sasori grunted.

"Hopefully we can stay here for a while."

"Guess again." Kisame muttered ducking low and pointing at the cave entrance.

Sasori and Deidara prepared to fight, whatever it was but where surprised to see Kakuzu walk in.

"Hey, I thought you were dead?"

"They're over here!" Kakuzu yelled.

"What the hell?" Kisame yelled back.

"Sorry, but they paid me. It's not so bad with them anyway."

The three of them stared in horror and rushed further into the back of the cave.

Sasuke was much more miserable than usual, in fact he was in hell. He was in a cage next to Naruto's and it was not pretty. So far they had captured at least twenty people he knew and this was the first day they got here. They squealed things he didn't understand and the ones he did he wished he couldn't.

"OMG Sasuke is so hot! I want to see some SasuNaru yaoi right now!"

"LOL you're so right. Did you see him running, it was so hot!"

"I know!"

He shuddered; they were like regular fangirls but so much more violent and clever. They were unkillable and all were wearing headbands and `cosplays` some had akatsuki cloaks. If he tried to convince them to let him go they squealed his name and wouldn't stop talking.

Although, he felt a lot safer than akatsuki right now.

"Deidara, rape me!" someone squealed from the crowd.

Deidara desperately threw a clay bird at them but they dodged it with superhuman speed.

"Better yet let him get raped by Sasori!"

Sasori chose that point to fire poisoned needles at them but to no avail.

Deidara finally understood what yaoi meant, he felt like he was going to throw up but he held it in for they needed speed.

He made a few clay birds for them to escape on and they flew as fast as they could. Kisame was not so lucky.

Itachi wasn't very happy either but he was in a safer place than the others. The fangirls after him broke into a fight over who he should be paired with and he used the confusion to escape. He was hiding out in one of the bases hoping he would be safe from the onslaught.

Pein had ditched them all with Konan and made a run for it while the fangirls were distracted and he wasn't sure where the other akatsuki members where, he was planning on rescuing Sasuke but he was worried it would interfere with his plans. On the other hand it was the end of the world. Was this his punishment? Ah well, might as well save Sasuke.

"Well Kakuzu you sold us all out, though it wouldn't be the first time. Hell, why am I even surprised?"

Kakuzu laughed. They were side by side in cages with fangirls keeping close watch to make sure they didn't escape.

"This should be okay." One of them said, obviously the head fangirl. She wore a Konoha headband and green chunin vest with the usual getup and her hair was brown.

The cart dragging them along stopped and the girls began muttering amongst themselves.

"If only we'd caught Hidan before those HidaShika shippers did."

"Why are you after Hidan?" Kisame braved.

The head fangirl glared at him. "We want to kill him."

"Why?"

"For what he did to Asuma, he should be killed!"

"So you're Hidan haters?"

"We're Hidan H8ers."

Kisame didn't see the difference.

"How many of you are there?"

"Oh a few..."

"Are you different than the ones who kidnapped Sasuke and Naruto?"

"Well yes, we don't ship SasuNaru."

"Who do you ship?"

"Well we ship a lot of things but we hate a lot of others more than that."

There was a loud crash and some more fangirls surrounded them with spears and katana.

"What are you doing with Kisame and Kakuzu?"

They were addressing the head fangirl of the Hidan H8ers.

"We were getting them so you couldn't use them in yaoi!"

The other fangirls blushed and frowned.

"Well we like yaoi! Besides KakuHida is hot so give Kakuzu back!"

Kakuzu began to wonder whether he should make a break for it or just kill himself.

"It's not! NaruHina is hot!"

"Not as much as KakuHida!"

"Bullshit!"

A fight broke out leaving the NaruHina fans/ Hidan H8ers on the ground.

The KakuHida fans grabbed the cage with Kakuzu and ditched leaving Kisame by himself wondering what the hell just happened.

Tobi was quite enjoying this. He could teleport away whenever any fangirl got close, the kyuubi was caged up and would most likely be easy to take if his fans decided to help him and at the same time his ego was soaring. He had a lot of fans and he was quite pleased with himself, although a lot of them were cheering for TobiDei which he wasn't sure about but other than that this was all to his advantage. So much for a ninja war.

In Konoha things were looking dismal; the walls weren't going to hold for much longer.

All of Naruto's friends were freaking out. Kakashi had tried to hold them off but had been snatched right in front of them. They were keeping lookout but a lot of people were terrified, they were all praying they weren't famous enough to be in a fanfic.

Orochimaru was also bothered by the fangirls, they had kidnapped Kabuto and without him he was feeling quite bored, also Sasuke was gone and that really ticked him off.

He was planning on going outside but each time he got close he changed his mind and decided he was safer inside than out.

Every other nation was equally screwed with Gaara having to evacuate his office because of the uproar. Temari did her best to hold them back as did Kankuro but it wasn't enough and they were both taken while Gaara tried to lead them away.

Deidara and Sasori took refuge in one of the old akatsuki bases no one else knew about and found Itachi was there too.

"Itachi, hmm...? Why are you here?"

"Hiding, same as you. Though I will rescue Sasuke soon."  
>"Are you crazy? There is no way you'll manage it!"<p>

"It's worth a try."

Next time:

Itachi's rescue attempt!

The siege by the fangirls continues!

And the remaining akatsuki are captured!

Note: This is as I said very general, I know not all NaruHina fans hate Hidan if any. This was a subsection of fans of that pairing. There's a lot of variation (Laughs). Ok see you next time!


	2. Chapter 2

**Minor swearing and terrifying horror... Cameos for random ninja 1 and 2... They need names someone make up some and then I'll name them next chapter.**

Two random ninja were walking along a dusty road trying to avoid eye contact with the groups of girls milling around.

Random ninja number 1 smiled. "Is it just me or are there more girls around than usual?"

"Beats me, though I guess this means we have a better shot with the ladies..."

Random ninja number 2 smiled at a random fangirl.

"Hey there, beautiful! Want to go on a date with me?"

The whole group of girls turned to look at him disappointed. They looked him up and down and turned round and ignored him.

They were mumbling something about `SasuSaku` and `ambush`.

The two random ninja sighed and carried on walking.

"Why can't a ninja get a break? I wish I was one of those popular guys who have girls worshipping them!" Random ninja number 2 sighed.

"At least we're not being hunted down." Random ninja number 1 sighed.

They both simultaneously sighed and went back to walking.

Kisame was still sitting in his cage wondering what he could do. He wasn't sitting there for long when the ItaKisa fangirls showed up.

"I told you! I can totally sense where they are!"

"Wow, I guess you were right."

Kisame sighed; hopefully Itachi was good enough to fight them off.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Sasuke, no way will that happen."

"I'm telling you baka; they're going to all kill themselves!"

"Yeah but some will be left!"

"Then we just fight them!"

"You can't fight them. They're too strong."

He sounded fed up. Sasuke knew that if even Naruto was giving up then it was bad.

"What happened to you, dobe?"

"Uh..."

_Flashback to yesterday..._

"_Naruto!"_

_A girl tackled him around the waist._

"_What the hell?"_

_Another one did and soon he was well and truly dog piled. Eventually he tried to rasengan one but it deflected off and hit a tree._

"_Ha ha! You can't hit me! I have impervious-no-jutsu!"_

"Is that even a real thing?" Sasuke asked.

"I doubt it." Naruto groaned. "Then they caged me and brought me here."

Sasuke nodded. "I had a similar experience."

"How about a temporary truce until we find a way to beat them?"

"Sounds good to me."

Deidara had just about had it. His day couldn't get any worse.

"Sasori! He's even sexier in person!"

"No you're wrong Deidara's just about the cutest uke ever!"

These girls were really pissing him off. He felt like blowing himself up but didn't want to waste him masterpiece.

Sasori was equally annoyed. "Brat, if they keep this up I will kill myself."

"Me too danna, un."

"SQUEE! He said danna!"  
>Deidara growled.<p>

Hidan sat in his cage trying to remain calm. Trying.

"Hidan, so sexy!"  
>Thank Jashin they hadn't caught pineapple head.<p>

He remained calm until more fangirls showed up and started a standoff.

"KakuHida losers!"

"Bitch, take it back!"

"No!"

They started fighting with some ridiculously named jutsus. Hidan tried to blank it out but it was hard to when they screamed at the top of their lungs. It kind of worried him that they could kill him at any time though they'd bring him back if he said he loved Shikamaru. Hopefully the ones who won the fight would be merciful.

"Yeah I won! Now let's take him back to Kakuzu!"

Oh great...

Back with Sasuke and Naruto a revolution had started. The SasuSaku fangirls had arrived.

"Give back Sasuke! You know SasuNaru will never happen!"

"More like SasuSaku won't! He already rejected her!"

"Shut up! He loves her really!"

"Oh yeah? Well Sasuke loves Naruto! Naruto loves Sasuke! It all fits!"

"Yaoi sucks!"

That started a war between them and multiple fire techniques flew through the air.

"Oh yeah? Water style: water hurricane!"

"Daaah!" Naruto dashed to the back of his cage to avoid the water that spun in fast circles.

Sasuke sighed and threw a chidori at one of the fangirls hoping to combo with the water jutsu but nothing happened.

"Apparently ninja physics don't work in their fan fictions." Naruto called over the roars of the fangirls.

Sasuke was at the point of begging for freedom.

"Rainbow style: hurricane of love!"

Naruto and Sasuke both stared at each other in disbelief.

"That one is real?"

"Earth style..."

"Lightning style: Jaguar sickle!"

"Do they even know what they're saying?"

"Blue..."

"Oh god."

Tobi warped to where Pain and Konan where. They jumped when he appeared then breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh good it's only you."

Tobi laughed at this. "They have you hiding, huh?"

"There's nothing we can do to fight them."

"You're lucky enough to be able to avoid them."

"Yes, I know."

He sat down calmly. "What about the plan?"

"There's no way to get past the fangirls and get the kyuubi they have him completely surrounded."

"Not quite."

They stared at him blankly.

"I have my own unique fangirl force you see. The fangirls that support Madara Uchiha and still believe I am him."

"Are you?"

"You'll never find out." He tapped his mask impatiently.

"So what good are they? How can they fight all the others?"

"Oh you see they are a special breed of fangirl. They don't pair me with quite as many people as everyone else. I am a lucky one. If they do everything I ask of them I told them I will show them my face."

They blinked at him. "Will you actually do that?"

"No."

Pain nodded. "Alright then we will do as you say."

"You two won't be any help so lay low for a while and don't get caught. I have a plan to get rid of them all so when it's over with I want you at full strength. As for the other akatsuki members... You shouldn't have sold them out but from now on it appears we will have to operate on our own."

They both nodded.

"I will be the winner when this game is over."

Itachi was about to ambush the SasuNaru fangirls when they were ambushed. He saw that Sasuke and Naruto were working together and wondered if he should just leave Sasuke. He decided he was probably better off on his own and when returning to his hiding spot was surprised to find Deidara and Sasori gone. He presumed they had been captured and hurried away to find somewhere better to hide.

"OMG! Itachi is here!"

Or maybe not...

"Oh yes!"

These girls seemed troublesome and before he knew it they had thrown a binding jutsu on him.

"Yes! I caught Itachi!"

"I used binding jutsu!"

"It was super effective!"

They both high fived and giggled.

"What do you want from me?"

"Oh we think you should be with Deidara!"

"You're totally right for each other!"

Deidara...? The blonde who hated him?

If only he'd rescued Sasuke...

"Hey you know what we should do?"

"What?"

"We should go to Konoha and try and get some ramen!"

"That sounds great! But unfortunately we can't get in!"

"Huh?"

"They wouldn't let us!"

"That's so mean!"

"Hey guys the gates are open!"

"Yes!"

Next time:

The fangirls finally get into Konoha but how are the other villages faring?

The fight between SasuSaku and SasuNaru continues?

And what is Tobi's nefarious plan?

Note: Once again, no hate for the pairings, it's the story talking not me. I actually love ItaDei very much and have written a story for it so check it out if you want! Oh yeah and if you review suggesting names for the random ninja I will pick my favourite and use them. They will be showing up again in the future. Probably.


End file.
